Barfly All-Stars: Stumblina

(stəm-bəl-ē-nə) This unfortunate soul was born without any sort of internal warning system and will drink himself into an incoherent stupor within ten minutes of sitting down at your bar. Stumblina is often a very experienced drunk and will show no signs of visible intoxication until he vomits on your bar and then passes out backwards into a table of yuppies that just came in to grab some beer nuts and watch the Game. Stumblina is named for the odd, stumbling gait he often uses to exit the bar if he is cut off before he can achieve his goal of insensate oblivion. Stumblinas will only patronize businesses that serve alcohol.

Early-stage Stumblinas can be very hard to spot as they tend to look like any other normal citizen until you're hauling their unconscious form into the back alley to hide the evidence. Late-stage Stumbinas tend to find another of their own kind to latch on to in order to stave off the crushing depression that can occur when you realize that you're a fifty year old alcoholic with no friends and a dead-end job because you're too embarrassing to be around for more than a few minutes at a time. Many Stumblinas tend to come from the South.

Common variations: Crashing Crazy, Constant Hangover, Hollow Shell, Walking Cautionary Tale, and SOQIT (Sad Old Queen In Training).

Behavior: Stumblina will always be incredibly friendly and talkative to the bartender in an attempt to develop a quick rapport and ensure heavy pours. Stumblinas are often decent tippers as they learn quickly that being easy with their money is a good way to keep the flow of booze strong and steady. Many will accept being cut off with quiet sadness as the current establishment is often only one in a long line of bars to have cut them off that day, and will proceed to stumble towards the door to seek out new sources of alcohol. They will almost exclusively drink only one drink (ie Rum and Coke, Whiskey and Ginger, etc.) as they generally have a clearly-definied idea of how nihilism should taste.

Quote: "I'll just have one more before I go."

Tips tend to be average to large.