Barfly All-Stars: McCrackhead

(mik-krak-hed) McCrackhead (McC) is a wily burnout who will only ever come to your bar during the day when security will be either lax or non-existant. McC can be any number of things from a long-time drug addict to someone who once had a life until he stopped taking his medication and slipped back into the seas of madness that he'd been successfully staving off since grade school. Whichever iteration of McC you find yourself dealing with, removal from the premises should be your first priority as McCs can be both a danger to themselves and others as well as generally very annoying.

Unfortunately not all McCs will be ragged, dreadlocked street people who's odor gives them away at forty paces. Many times a McC will be just functional enough to pass as a sane human being until after they've ordered their first cocktail and begin to go into a long tirade about how they're being followed or why the Jews have destroyed their lives. The moment that you discover a McC in your establishment either remove them yourself or have management or the police do so if you do not feel up to the challenge or are wearing a really cute outfit that you don't want to mess up.

Common variations: The Hollow Suit, Old Green Teeth, Out-Patient Mary, Lowly Roller, and the Wilted Flower Child.

Behavior: Expect anything from never-ending litanies of paranoid delusions to outright physical attacks. As such it is important to stay at arm's length when ejecting a McC unless you have to tackle them to the ground until authorities arrive.

Quote: "Four more years of Bush!"

Assuming that the McC has any money, it's doubtful that you'll be seeing any of it as you remind him of his dead mother and/or father.