Barfly All-Stars: The Lemondrop Girls

(le-mən-dräp gərls) Often seen traveling in packs of 3-9 members, Lemondrop Girls (LGs) are a special form of mob consciousness that is most prevalent around sleazy straight clubs, sleazy gay bars, or anywhere with horny door security and thumping music.

Most often identifiable by a constant look of hostile disbelief that the world will not throw money and happiness at them, along with minimal attire and at least one very fat member that they keep around to make everyone else look better by comparison. Their piercing shrieks for Lemondrops, Mojitos, Sex on The Beaches and Kamikazes can be heard over even the loudest dance floor music. The majority of LGs will have obtained Bachelor's Degrees in Liberal Arts, Political Science, or occasionally Women's Studies.

Common variations: Nearly Knocked-Up Floozies, Already Knocked-Up Bachelorettes, Cruising Cougars, and Violent Vixens.

Behavior: LGs will never willingly leave their pack, as solitude can result in being taken home by someone as miserable as they are, or the much worse fate of coming to the sad realization that dressing up in hooker clothes and acting like a mentally deficient canary will get them nowhere fast. LGs will always attempt to muscle their way to the front of the service well in order to demand drinks that involve muddling, contain in excess of 7 different liqueurs, or that they had once while vacationing in Fort Lauderdale and cannot remember the name of but assume that all bartenders are omniscient databanks of every drink ever invented (which is true, but we feel it's rude to assume as much). LGs will always order all drinks together and will always insist on paying with separate credit cards to be closed out each round.

CAUTION: When cut off or too drunk LGs will become verbally and in many cases physically abusive to everyone around them. Make sure there's a bouncer nearby when you tell them that their cards have been declined.

Quote: "Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok, wait hold on, ok I need eleven Purple Alaskan Sluts and five Cosmotinis, one with salt, one with no lime, one with extra lime, and make them all strong!"

Tips will be minimal to non-existant.